Letting Go of Lost Purpose
by redmonkey435
Summary: She once trusted him without reservations. Now, as she bore witness to the damage of his commands, she realized that her past purpose was no longer truly what she desired.


_Before I start, I had better make one point clear. You don't like the MC being with Makoto, fine. You like another pairing more or don't like any of the pairings, fine. I don't care if you do or don't, truthfully, I prefer him with Airi (Yeah, yeah, I know Jungo would be lonely, but hopefully he would find Kitty Jungo again). So please don't review just to say that the pairing sucks because it's annoying when you do._

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She used to trust him unconditionally.

She followed every order, every command, every _word_ he gave her. She did so with pleasure, never thinking to question his intentions even in the face of unpleasant consequences. Never did she think that one day, she would take another's side over his.

That was before the end came. Before the world began falling apart. Before she began to see the mistakes and cruelty of the organization.

She watched as he forced all to submit. She obeyed his orders to lead children into battle against beings that would eventually overwhelm them. She witnessed as friends died of wounds and innocents of starvation. All because she had failed to see past the dying purpose he had once given her.

The experiences took their toll on her mind, wearing her down slowly. She became reckless, endangering herself and others more and more. It lead her to foolishly face her leader's greatest adversary by herself.

As the man readied his weapon to end her life, she realized why she had become so reckless. Her purpose had been diluted and twisted by her experiences, and eventually, she had unknowingly thrown it away. The realization made her want to weep as she knew that her leader and purpose had been in the wrong. She had hurt so many innocents simply because she couldn't before see that fact. It did not mean the man before her was in the right, but it certainly meant that neither was she. So, as a quiet plea for forgiveness, she accepted her coming demise.

She at first wondered why the chosen saved her. She began to understand why when the boy had come to her later, pleading that she never tried to sacrificed herself again. He said he couldn't bear the idea of the woman he loved dying, and the thought that he loved her shocked her entire being. This boy, junior to her by nearly a decade and whom she had known only a few days, had declared that he loved her and she began to realize her own feelings. Though not sure if she held for him the same deep fondness he had for her, she admitted that she loved his gentle presence and kindness for others. He never asked others to commit actions that he felt they would be uncomfortable, and he was always just in his dealings with all sides of a conflict. He was what she had first seen in the chief before the illusion had been broken, a wise leader who fought for the betterment of humankind. She felt comfortable around him and wished he would stay nearby so she could always aid him.

When they separated for the day and later met in a battle of philosophy, she had been shocked at the side he had chosen. He had formed his own cause, one of choice and whose philosophy and future would be determined by the beliefs of all the members instead of only his own. He planned to face Polaris with the aid of the Anguished One and create a brand new world for humanity. The idea struck her as brilliant, one that would allow all to work together to form a new society that was not built on the foundations of the old one.

When he had come to talk to her after their battle, she had wanted to beg him to kill her. She had betrayed him even though she knew of his feelings. He asked why she was being stubborn and was still willing to follow Yamato. She told him of how Yamato had given her a purpose in life and that she owed a debt to him for that. He began to tear down that idea, asking why she really wanted the world that her cause had desired. He said that she shouldn't simply shove aside her own feelings for Yamato.

"If I don't, then what purpose do I have?" Her final question, the answer to which would decide if she would take up arms for Hibiki.

He smiled and answered, "Live your life the way you feel you should, of course." She knew that was both a personal statement and a declaration of his faction's creed, and she gladly accepted.

She had felt a form of despair when Ronaldo died. Not because they shared any kind of bond, of course. No, it was because he had died for what he believed in. They had taken his dreams and destroyed them, yet he still fought them till the bitter end.

Yamato's death had made her weep for a short time. He had been her only reason to survive for so long, and this would be their final parting. She used to trust him unconditionally, never daring to question him. Yet now, they stood across from each other on the field of battle. In a way, the incident was her letting go the final strands of her past self so that she could move onwards with the rest of humanity towards the future.

Now, after Alcor's sacrifice and the defeat of Polaris, she and Hibiki stood on the newly form beach that the group had appeared, hand in hand and with small smiles. They looked towards the rising sun, a signal that this would be the dawn of a new era for mankind. An era that would, with their continued efforts, be much brighter than the past.

She no longer needed to put so much trust into others without returned confidence and could live her life the way she felt best, no matter what others said. She had a new purpose, one that would help all find happiness, hers hopefully being with the hero whose hand she now held.

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_ An idea that was given to me in the form of a friend's prompt dealing with the loss of trust in authority and of purpose in life._


End file.
